i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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