you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I could make wine with my vomit
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
