I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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