But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
