Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
