is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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