I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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