i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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