also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
