Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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