I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i dont even know how to be here
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
