This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
