i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
