Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I could fuck to npr.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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