My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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