Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
