Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
