I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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