My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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