My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
