can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
