What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
