My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
