Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
