I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
