dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
