they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
