A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
