I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
