A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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