but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
