This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
