He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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