Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
