He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
