So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
