I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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