i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize