Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
