I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
