if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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