Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
