he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
