Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
