Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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