I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
