There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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