Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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