so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
one might say we're banned from that church
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize