Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
