wanna go halves on a baby?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
