You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
