OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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