i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize