But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
