well I can't set my house on fire every night
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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