she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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