its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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