Im at strip club and am horny
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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