He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
